The Fan Can Archives: The Fandom Menace

I used to write occasionally for Steve O'Brien's jolly cult site TheFanCan. I'd provide slightly irreverent and often inelegant pieces on pop culture nonsense as fast as my little underdeveloped talent would let me. Me in the past - bless him, eh?

The Doctor Who Drinking Game: A bit like SFX's Couch Potato, but with more booze and fewer people

Anyway, whilst on the hunt for new ideas, I thought I'd hit upon a great and definitely not incredibly obnoxious format to entertain the readers. I was going to play the part of a slightly over-zealous fan and see how poor put-upon real people reacted. Ha ha ha Miles! Wow, you really should be on Channel 4's Balls of Steel.

Not even stopping to ask Steve if this was something he would champion on his site (fairly sure he wouldn't be keen), I made my first call to a local registry office, recording the conversation (without their knowledge, which I'm pretty certain is illegal). Look, I'm not proud, OK?

Anyway, I'd forgotten all about this until I went rooting around my docs and found this transcription in a long abandoned folder. 

Anyway, that's more then enough set-up for something that'll take far less time time to read than that intro. Enjoy.

The Fan Can: I’m looking at having a Doctor Who themed wedding. Like a TARDIS in the corner, that sort of thing. Is that ok?

Wedding Office: If it’s the registry office, it wouldn’t fit. But we’re due to move to a Court, where there’d be room. That’d be fine.

TFC: Would the person conducting it be averse to dressing up at all? Say, as a Dalek? Or maybe Davros?

WO: Erm, I could find out. Let me check.

LONG PAUSE

WO: I’ve just spoken with a couple of registrars here at the moment – they’ve both said no, they wouldn’t.

TFC: Oh.

WO: Well, we do have quite a few so it might be something we could go into more detail with one who has a sense of humour and come to a compromise. I’m not sure any of them would dress as a Dalek though, but we certainly wouldn’t mind the couple or their guests doing so.

TFC: Can we write our own vows? Would the registrars be up for conducting the ceremony in a different voice, as if they were a villain? Would that be ok?

WO: I’ll, erm, just find out.

VERY LONG PAUSE

WO: Spoken to the registrars again and yes, there is flexibility on the words that can be used, but no, they won’t be putting on voices as it is a serious ceremony and should be treated as such.

TFC: Sure. But could the bride and groom do it? Like put on voices, as if it really was an episode of Doctor Who? We wouldn’t get thrown out or asked to stop?

WO: It’s up to you if you want to come dressed in character and say your own lines, but so long as you sign the registry and take it seriously, then, fine.

TFC: Thanks!