Bee Movies: Movies with Bees In

Bees aren't just fat wasps you know. The lovable black and yellow honey-shitters have been buzzing over our cinema screens for as long as however long a cursory Google search will reveal. To celebrate that fact, let's have another not-at-all arbitrary rundown of everyone's favourite pollen-pickers throughout cinema's long and needless history.

The Swarm (1978)

"Forget abaht the bee," cajoles kindly scientist Michael Caine in this infamously limp insect chiller. If only he could, given that he thinks The Swarm is the worst film he's ever made. And this from the man who was in Jaws: The Revenge. Anyway, see if you can spot rapper Erik B making his on-screen debut in the background. I mean, you won't be able to 'cos he's not in it, but why not try and spot him anyway?

Bee Movie (2007)

Imagine the pitch:

"Jerry Seinfeld, right, off've comedy, is, wait for it...a bee!" 

"What, really? He looks more equine, if anything. Or perhaps a giraffe. Oh, it's a cartoon? Yeah yeah, sure. Take $150,000,000 and do what you gotta do. But hey - get some excitable black dude in the funny buddy role. You know, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock or whoever."

The X-Files: Fight the Future (1998)

Seen this film about five times and I still can't remember why there are bees in it.

Best in Show (2000)

In which hilariously despicable people lose their pooch's Busy Bee toy. Bereft of an accurate replacement, they're faced with the dilemma of offering instead; a squeaky parrot, a black/yellow striped fish, or "a bear in a bee's costume".

Winnie the Pooh (2011)

Trouser-less nectar-addict spends entire film pissing off bee-kind by tearing up their homes in an insatiable quest for his next honey hit. In one truly astonishing depiction of withdrawal despair, the grizzly fatso is seen scoffing paw-fuls of dirt as some sort of muddy methadone. 

The Wicker Man (2006)

A movie so stupid even ITV3 repels it, this dumb-headed remake takes everything brilliant about the original, stuffs it into a basket bloke, sets it alight and makes this honey-soaked bollock cheese instead. Nicholas Cage suffers bee stings, flames and credibility meltdown as credits roll.

My Girl (1991)

"My girl's mad at me," sang those nutty boys of eighties pop ska, Madness. This film has nothing to do with them, mind. It's about bee stung-lipped Macaulay Culkin, who gets stung fatally by a bee. Oh, er, spoilers, yeah?

Pure Luck (1991)

Another 1991 movie in which a main character gets on the arse end of an Apis mellifera. This time it's to elicit titters rather than tears though, as Martin Short's allergic-ridden patsy balloons to improbable proportions.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

A double honey hit for this much-celebrated itty-bitty kiddy fest. Firstly, the word "honey" in the title, and secondly, it contains a thrilling* bareback bee-ride by one of titular children. Much better than the soppy ant sequence later.

*definitions of thrilling may vary

Candyman (1992)

Tony Todd's bassoon-voiced, hook-handed murderliser doesn't just turn up in your mirror to claw out your innards you know. He also projectile vomits hivefuls of Hymenoptera into your chops for added chuckles, the wag.

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

Poor Candyman, named so because he was killed to death by racists armed with bees, depicted here in all its stingy, lynch mobby, er, "glory". Anyway, this film's just a rubbish re-tread of the first good one, so come only for the bee action, if you must.

The Secret Life of Bees (2008)

A worthy adaptation of a novel, rather than a real life expose on bees: you know, seeing them down the bookies or inventing the iPod or whatever.

A Taste of Honey (1961)

Honey is delicious. That's science. Despite the title though, this dreary social issues melodrama features not a single sodding bee in it. What a sixties kitchen sink swizz.

Kickass (2010)

One of the funniest lines in the whole film relates to the above, so if you've not seen it, I won't spoil it. Although not in this scene, Nicholas Cage can certainly count this among his better bee-related roles, even if only tangentially.

Vanishing of the Bees (2009)

Essentially a horror movie for honeybees themselves, this charming but slightly alarmist documentary charts the mysterious massacres of said species across the globe. In short, if bees fucked off forever, we might as well just admit defeat and start eating each other.

More Than Honey (2012)

More of the above: footage of them bothering flowers and buzzing their bollocks off like there's no tomorrow. Which, sadly for a lot of them, there isn't.

The Point (1971)

Singer-songwriter Harry Nillson scripted this LSD-soaked slice of psychedelia, as well as providing the tunes. Anyway, it's here 'cos there's giant bees in it. Imagine that, man: GIANT BEES! That's your doors-of-perception-shattering truth hammer right there, that is.

Killer Bees (1974)

TV movie in which Gloria Swanson exerts psychic control over a killer colony. Yeah, right. You ever got a bee to do anything for you? I once asked a bee to bring me a scotch. He brought me a bourbon instead, the utter dick.

Killer Bees (2008)

German horror about German tourists fleeing German bees. 

The Deadly Bees (1966)

If this film is anything like its Wikipedia entry then it's badly-written gibberish.

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Baps, bees and banging galore as a powerful cosmic force turns women into queen bees who kill men by wearing them out sexually. There are worse ways to die, frankly. Like being attacked by a hammer, for instance. Or crucified. Loads really.

The Savage Bees (1976)

Bees aren't savage, you idiots. They advertise Honey Nut Loops, for crying out loud.

Terror Out of the Sky (1978)

Sequel to the above. Whatever.

The Bees (1978)

If Ronseal titled horror films...

Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1995)

A mid-nineties nightmare to me would be something like Northern Uproar or TV's Crime Traveller. Not an insipid bee invasion movie starring Ryan Phillippe.

Killer Bees! (2002)

More small town menacing by our favourite little chubby honey lovers. This bee persecution by film makers is nothing less than a form of racism. Or speciesism. Beeism? Yeah, "beeism". Bloody beeists. 

That's your lot. Now buzz off. Ha ha, "buzz". Because bees.