“It takes two baby!” sang someone or other once, and they were almost certainly singing about Mitchell & Webb’s comedic turn as a couple of rust-bucket robots in Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. Probably. But the Peep Show pair aren’t the only double acts to appear on the good ship Who, as we run down the show's finest duos over its 50 plus years of history.
10. Len & Harvey, Survival (1989)
The corner shop-running twosome and their dry, humourless co-existence only really reminds us of the actors playing them, Hale & Pace (as if we could forget). Len & Harvey really came across as masters of the pub darts team, rather than the convenience store, their tiresome “banter” reflective of a dim-witted pair who said everything to each other that they ever wanted to about a decade previous. And let’s be honest – we’re really nominating them for their “professional” status; they’re the only couple here that are an actual double act. Conversely, they’re about as funny as a trip to the clap clinic. And let’s not mention h&p@bbc, ok?
9. Vaughan & Packer, The Invasion (1968)
Throughout this serial’s eight episode sprawl, the weary boom of “Packer!” becomes something of a catchphrase, thanks to the easily put-upon boss of International Electromatics’ impatience with his halfwit head of security. Watching the nefarious but useless pair pratfall their way through primary school villainy is somewhat endearing, even when they’re conspiring to take over the world with those tin sods from Mondas. In the same manner that you wouldn’t want Packer in your employ, neither would you want Vaughan as your boss, their hopelessness complementing each other perfectly.
8. Hawk and Weismuller, Delta & The Bannermen (1987)
Satellite-monitoring CIA klutzes, whose addition to the plot has always kind of eluded us. Still, it’s fun to watch an ignorant berk in a bomber jacket and his bowtied buddy bumble about the Welsh countryside (“in England”), at the mercy of a bloodthirsty band of bastards such as the Bannermen. Only sartorially-speaking is there much to separate them, but their mannerisms draw inspiration from Hollywood’s Golden Age of screwball comedies (making illogical assumptive leaps, completely oblivious to their own self-importance etc). It’s also nice to have Who take the Felix Leiter route of having the Yanks a few narrative steps behind its “British” hero.
7. Bostock & Orcinci,
Revelation of the Daleks (1985)
No, not Kara & Vogel – the script unsubtly identifying them as a double act makes them so bloody arch you could probably knock a croquet ball between the pair of them. Rather, it’s the adventure’s noble lion-hearted warrior and his grubby squire who get our vote. The affection between them at death’s door is genuinely touching, if somewhat protracted, and as the scene demonstrates, one can’t really exist without the other. Never mind all the traditional class-based manservant stuff – some serious bromance brewed between these two. Despite Orcini’s protestations of his boyfriend’s noxious niff, we bet he took a long hard sniff of his oily, scab-ridden head just before he detonated the big one. Or maybe he gave him a little reach-a-round, who knows?
6. Gilbert M & The Kandyman, The Happiness Patrol (1988)
If the wider plot is a Thatcher allegory (and we’re a bit undecided on that to be honest), then the relationship between Gilbert M and his confectionery creation surely has to hint at the concept of loveless marriage, given their constant squabbling and barely-concealed contempt for one another. Old sweetie chops is clearly the nagging wife to his hen-pecked hubby, given his skulking about the kitchen with a bottle in the hand and ignoring his spouse’s bitching about the day job. Their relationship must have soured so long ago that no amount of sugar sprinkling can save it; Gilbert obviously doesn’t give a toffee penny when it’s finally by bye Bassett time. In fact, if anything, he seems to cosy up to Joseph C pretty damn sharpish…
5. Glitz & Dibber, The Time of a Trial Lord Parts 1-4 (1986)
It may not be vintage Who, but hell, everyone loves Holmesian crims, and these two ne’er-do-wells bring a much-needed bit of charismatic cunning to an otherwise somewhat flat piece of cheapy drama. Glitz’s self-regard and verbosity contrast well with Dibber’s dippy but dependable persona, to the extent that you start rooting for them some, say, five minutes into the first episode. Of course, it wasn’t quite the same the next year, when Glitz was matched with Mel. Bit like pairing a really good actor with, well, Bonnie Langford.
4. Madam Vastra & Jenny, A Good Man Goes to War (2011)
Proving that it’s not just RTD who can adhere to the spuriously-titled “Gay Agenda”, Mr Moffinator gives us the 19th Century kick-ass combo of a Lady lizard and her lesbian maid lover. Whilst Jenny’s presumably not one for handling a pork sword, she’s more than adept at wielding a real one, and the frisky pair make for a fearsome combo against would-be assailants. And let’s not even get into the innuendo concerning Vestra’s extraordinarily long tongue. Unsurprisingly, the internet already groans under the weight of fantasy shagfic, some of it remarkably thorough in its detail of woman-on-prehistoric-lizard action. As if creeping up on an armed Silurian, approach with extreme caution.
3. Garron & Unstoffe, The Ribos Operation (1978)
Typically Holmesian galactic swindlers, the garrulous Garron and his whey, rubber-faced accomplice make for an unlikely, but enduring coupling. Theirs appears to be a strictly professional relationship, rather than a friendship, Garron delegating all the dirty work with which he’d rather not mess his hands (or his rather marvellous hat). Though the more sensitive Unstoffe spends most of the adventure hanging around a vagrant, he still rejoins his buddy/master by the end of the episodes, presumably to divvy up his share in Graff’s treasures. Though for all we know, he could be planning to do him in with a shovel and take everything himself.
2. Davros & Nyder, Genesis of the Daleks (1975)
Oh Nyder. What is that thing you’ve got going for Davros? His wizened face, maybe? Is it his totalitarian vision? Or perhaps you’re the only one he trusts to change his bucket? Morally-wayward and single-minded, the Kaled Security Commander shares commonality with Skaro’s premier bonkers scientist, so little wonder that they’re bestest of bum chums. Bet he even used to cover for him if he blew off in class, the bloody creep. Loyal to the last, Nyder took Davros’ side against his squiggly villainous creations at his own lethal cost. And what did he get back from all this obsequiousness, eh? Nothing. Didn’t even live long enough to get a round of applause from his beloved. Well, not that he could’ve ever got one anyway, ‘cos of, you know, the one-armed thing, but still.
1. Jago & Litefoot, The Talons of Weng-Chiang (1977)
The Ant & Dec of Who (although not Geordie, crap, and neither of them has the forehead the size of a carpark. So, nothing like Ant & Dec then). Regardless, the perennially popular Victorian gentlemen’s dynamic is a joy to saviour, hence their continued capers courtesy of Big Finish’s audio adventures (NINE series so far and counting). The detail’s in the distinction: theatre owner Henry Gordon Jago the brash blusterer with Professor George Litefoot his erudite and polite counterpart, and their jovial sparring endlessly entertaining. Hell, we could watch these two bicker over who forms the front end of a human centipede if we absolutely had to.
